“For since our friendship with God was restored by the death of His Son while we were still His enemies, we will certainly be saved through the life of His Son.” – Romans 5:10 (NLT)
A present wrapped in grief sounds like an oxymoron. How can grief be paired with something so hopeful and beautiful as celebrations and gifts? But in this case, it is. At this time of the year, we who are experiencing grief have a friend in the very God who created us. His gift to us of eternal salvation was given as He, in the one of the most profound moments of eternity, watched His Son be born into this world to be sacrificed for the very people, and creation, that would nail Him to a cross. A gut-wrenching grief that was both for “His Only Begotten Son” (John 3:16) and His creation who turned their backs on Him for their own sinful desires for earthly glory and gain (Genesis 6:6-7). Yet, because He is God, He knew this was not the end. It was only the beginning of the renewal of His relationship with His most precious creation, humanity. A present wrapped in grief. In this we can know without question or doubt that God understands our grief.
What was your grief this year? Was it the death of a loved one, a wayward child, a divorce or separation, or the loss of your own health? Even events in our lives that are good can carry grief; such as the marriage of a child, moving away from home after high school, or, for some, a birthday. God knows each pain, and He created us with the emotions that come with grief. Each of them is important to recognize, process, and share with Him and trusted others around you.
When we look at the grief journey, there are five stages that are experienced: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Anyone who has been through grief knows that these stages are neither timely nor linear. One day you can be in denial and the next on the floor in desperate, mind-numbing pain. As someone who is experiencing several griefs at once this Christmas season, I have been surprised at the complete switch of stages that can come in an instant. A few weeks back, I was cleaning out my house of 15 years in an accepting silence when suddenly a depressed agony came over me like a dark blanket and threw me to my knees. I had not heard that kind of mournful cry come from my throat in many years and it could not be stopped. It was, in one sense, exhausting and in another a relief. It was needed and yet unwanted. But, in the end my chest loosened, and I was able to take the next step forward. For the griefs I hold this Christmas, I have not come to acceptance. However, because I have been through grief in the past, I know acceptance will come and the process of grief will give me an even deeper understanding of the love of God than the last grief gave me. That is the hope of the present wrapped in grief. A hope of a friendship with God so rich and compassionate that He holds us through all of our stages of grief. A friendship so deep that the dark waters of depression and despair cannot pull it from its foundation. A friendship so sweet that questioning and unrelenting bargaining cannot tear it apart. And a friendship that is just waiting to walk on the other side of grief into a joyful future of acceptance with Him.
This Christmas, as you sit in a home with an empty chair or crib, stand at the door of a new home, miss a child because of miles between you, or notice your next grey hair; remember that you are not alone in your grief. Remember the God of the Universe, your Creator, the Father to whom sent your Savior and Lord to the world, knows your grief. He loves you so deeply that He did not want to have an eternity without you. I encourage you to allow Him into your stages of grief. When you are in shock and denial, let Him hold your confusion. If you are angry, allow Him to hear your hurt and questions. Let Him know your desire to bargain, He has the compassion to understand your desperation. And in your depression, wrap yourself in His arms and let Him collect your tears (Psalm 56:8). If you cannot yet accept your loss, ask Him to help you accept His love, for He loves you so much that He sent His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16). That is why He sent His Son. He sent Him to make a way to a relationship that is not hindered and broken by sin. He chose to forgive us so someday we can see Him face to face and praise Him for eternity. This is the ultimate present wrapped in grief to be saved by a God who chose grief for us.