I’m passionate about helping clients be healthy so they can attract a healthy partner. One way I go about this is by having clients read the book True Love Dates. It’s written by Debra Fileta, who’s a Licensed Professional Counselor. True Love Dates has 4 parts to it: Dating Inward, Dating Outward, Dating Upward, and Frequently Asked Questions that Debra answers. Dating inward means getting to know yourself. Dating outward means dating others in an intentional way. Dating Upward means working on your relationship with God and trusting that he knows who’s best for you.
One thing I really like about the book is how Debra talks about each person making a list of his or her red flags, yellow flags, and green flags to look for when it comes to dating someone. Red flags are things like addictions, abusiveness, uncontrolled anger, and dishonesty. A Bible verse to back up what she’s saying is Proverbs 26:24 “A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart, he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart”. Red means stop; don’t keep dating the person with these things. Yellow flags mean use caution and are things like family of origin issues, and communication deficits. Green flags mean go; these are what you want in a partner so keep dating them.
At the end of each chapter, there are reflection questions. At the end of one chapter, there are journal prompts too. I encourage clients to go through books like this that encourage them to slow down and really think about what they’re reading.
In the Dating Inward section, there is a list of 10 Bible verses that help people form or reclaim their Biblical identity. Debra talks about how people tend to attract someone who has the same level of self-esteem and emotional health. If you struggle with low self-esteem, then you’re likely to end up with someone who struggles with that too. This is why it’s so important to get yourself healthy so you can attract a healthy partner.